We’d be “Complicated” on Facebook

[Sidenote: this post came off a little more aggressive than I had intended (of course). I clarified in the comments a little– it’s not that the blogs are problematic, it’s that at this stage of wedding planning, I need a little breather to really appreciate what’s out there. An “it’s not you, it’s me” moment, if you will.]

I think I’ve hit a wall with wedding blogs.

I love them, don’t get me wrong. I’m a daily reader of A Practical Wedding and a regular commenter. I love Accordians and Lace, ESB, Los Angeles Love, Souris Mariage, and all the other fabulous blogs out there. I kind of want us all to get together in a big bar somewhere, have margaritas and beer, and talk until our ears fall off. Love this community.

But I’m just kind of sick of it, too.

I think it’s because of the point I’m at in planning my own wedding. We’ve set the location, we know the guest count, we have our budget. I’ve booked a photographer, a DJ, a florist (aka, myself). We’re working on designing invitations and my bridesmaids have dresses. We’re on a runaway freight train of planning, and we’ve chosen a route (a-typical traditional). And it’s fabulous.

But the thing is, that’s made me realize why I’ve hit this wall with wedding blogs— it’s not me. It’s not our wedding, and it’s not our story. So I don’t give a shit that you have mason jars and Etsy ties, or a beach wedding and flip flops, or a vintage dress and self-catered desserts. I just don’t care. Maybe it’s because I cared for so long and pored over every detail, and maybe it’s because I’ve just had my fill, but either way, it’s not the path we’ve taken. Yeah, it’s kind of a self-centered attitude, but that’s the point I’m at.

I still want to talk about wedding planning and marriage and stress and family issues, but so much of it out there feels recycled. So instead I talk to close friends, and I read about marriage, and I cuddle with my sweetie. And now, when I read blogs, it’s different. Instead of scouring for ideas and “inspiration” and hope, it’s casual reading. It’s like flipping through a magazine. I know where in the blogosphere to find the Real Deal, the women talking about Real Issues, and I’ll return there time and time again to read and to think (and thank you, ladies, y’all are amazing). So I’m not entirely done with blogs, but my excitement is tempered a little.

Wedding blogs have become the new WIC, and it’s stomach-rolling to realize that I let it happen to me, too. I let blogs steamroll me into thinking that it was indie, it was a community of cozy girlies (which, it kind of is, but kind of isn’t), it was safe. It’s not. Half the time blogs encourage way too much self-scrutiny, too much criticism, too much comparison. A wedding is yours, all yours. I’m a steak and ballgown kind of girl; no one can make me change, and no one can make me feel that it isn’t US. And because I’ve said “f*ck it”, now I’m reading the blogs with a new sense of security and privacy in my own wedding; I’m not thinking about chair covers or iPod playlists, and it is really freeing.

What is also confusing is that I’ve sort of turned on myself. Now when I see posts that talk about “authenticity” in wedding planning or “community” or how to focus on the relationship, it makes me roll my eyes. But I’ve done it, too—I talk about how important those things are, and how those really do shape a marriage. And they are vitally important. So why am I bitching about them? Why am I saying they’re overrated? I think it clicks back to where I am in wedding planning. It’s a stage. I’ve tangled with the WIC, I’ve fallen in and out of love with the BIC, I’ve booked vendors and figured my shit out, I’ve had lots of Important Conversations with my fiancé. So where am I now? I’m just kind of cynical. I just feel like I’ve heard it ALL (even if I haven’t). The wedding is looming, but it’s mostly planned. It’s still four months away but is so close to being DONE. And that’s just it. I’m done with it. I want to be married, want the day to be TOMORROW, want this crap over with.

……So now I’m taking a break from planning our wedding, and I’m planning (or rather, dreaming about) our honeymoon. Beach, bountiful sunshine, and beverages with the boy. Heaven.

Disclaimer: This rambling commentary highly influenced by a post I read AGES ago at Accordians & Lace, and has had me thinking about the BIC ever since.

5 responses to “We’d be “Complicated” on Facebook

  1. Oh I don’t know if that’s totally fair or called for. And I don’t think it’s fair to say I’m recycling content when I’m working my ass off to promote safe and open discussion about marriage (and yeah, that party that comes before it). I mean, don’t get me wrong, I don’t read wedding blogs. But I do read a lot of those women you cross linked to, and they are really smart women, and really KIND women, most of whom are writing really interesting thoughtful stuff about their lives – that happen to include getting married or being married.

    • Oh, yikes, that’s not what I meant at all! Dang, these posts are hard. I don’t think you are recycling content at ALL– I feel like my BRAIN is recycling content. I feel like I’ve overdosed on wedding blogs to the point where I don’t know if I love it or if it’s driving me crazy. It’s not that I don’t like wedding blogs (hence the “complicated” bit), it’s that I feel like I’m at a stage in wedding planning where I just can’t handle it. You know? It’s just that I’ve done SO much looking at websites and blogs and whatnot that it’s all starting to blur together. And that’s my cue to step back a little, because these amazing women DO have such awesome things to say, if only I can hear them.

      I should put a giant “it’s not you, it’s me” disclaimer on this post. I adore the blogs I linked to so much, and the writers are amazing and insightful women; I don’t want it to come across like I’m bashing them, at ALL.

  2. Pingback: Rainbows and Fairies Again « bonding carbon units

  3. Brilliant post.

    It’s a love/hate thing these weddings and blogs and such. I am a sucker for design and pretty and details – it’s why I’m still involved. I also like to call out every nugget of bullshit I can find in the WIC. That gives me pleasure. Sick and wrong, but pleasing none-the-less.

    • It really, really is. I’ve been looking at these blogs and websites since before I was engaged, and I’ll probably be looking at them afterwards as well. I love details, I’m a crafty person by nature, and all of the stuff that makes a wedding gorgeous appeals to me. The details, the pretty dress, and the gorgeous, amazing, mind-blowing love and emotion most of all.

      So I love these blogs– but while I’m planning my own wedding, I’ve seriously overdosed on it, and it’s horrible. I don’t want to be bitter and frustrated about all this stuff, so I needed a break. Now I’m back and excited about wholesale flowers, so. There’s only so much “break” I can take, now that I’m 70 days out. Yowza.

      I think calling people (or industries) out on bullshit is a fine art. Weddings are way too big a deal to be covered in a layer of bullshit. Call me a sappy romantic, but I’d like to think that weddings are sometimes about love.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s