[Sidenote: this post came off a little more aggressive than I had intended (of course). I clarified in the comments a little– it’s not that the blogs are problematic, it’s that at this stage of wedding planning, I need a little breather to really appreciate what’s out there. An “it’s not you, it’s me” moment, if you will.]
I think I’ve hit a wall with wedding blogs.
I love them, don’t get me wrong. I’m a daily reader of A Practical Wedding and a regular commenter. I love Accordians and Lace, ESB, Los Angeles Love, Souris Mariage, and all the other fabulous blogs out there. I kind of want us all to get together in a big bar somewhere, have margaritas and beer, and talk until our ears fall off. Love this community.
But I’m just kind of sick of it, too.
I think it’s because of the point I’m at in planning my own wedding. We’ve set the location, we know the guest count, we have our budget. I’ve booked a photographer, a DJ, a florist (aka, myself). We’re working on designing invitations and my bridesmaids have dresses. We’re on a runaway freight train of planning, and we’ve chosen a route (a-typical traditional). And it’s fabulous.
But the thing is, that’s made me realize why I’ve hit this wall with wedding blogs— it’s not me. It’s not our wedding, and it’s not our story. So I don’t give a shit that you have mason jars and Etsy ties, or a beach wedding and flip flops, or a vintage dress and self-catered desserts. I just don’t care. Maybe it’s because I cared for so long and pored over every detail, and maybe it’s because I’ve just had my fill, but either way, it’s not the path we’ve taken. Yeah, it’s kind of a self-centered attitude, but that’s the point I’m at.
I still want to talk about wedding planning and marriage and stress and family issues, but so much of it out there feels recycled. So instead I talk to close friends, and I read about marriage, and I cuddle with my sweetie. And now, when I read blogs, it’s different. Instead of scouring for ideas and “inspiration” and hope, it’s casual reading. It’s like flipping through a magazine. I know where in the blogosphere to find the Real Deal, the women talking about Real Issues, and I’ll return there time and time again to read and to think (and thank you, ladies, y’all are amazing). So I’m not entirely done with blogs, but my excitement is tempered a little.
Wedding blogs have become the new WIC, and it’s stomach-rolling to realize that I let it happen to me, too. I let blogs steamroll me into thinking that it was indie, it was a community of cozy girlies (which, it kind of is, but kind of isn’t), it was safe. It’s not. Half the time blogs encourage way too much self-scrutiny, too much criticism, too much comparison. A wedding is yours, all yours. I’m a steak and ballgown kind of girl; no one can make me change, and no one can make me feel that it isn’t US. And because I’ve said “f*ck it”, now I’m reading the blogs with a new sense of security and privacy in my own wedding; I’m not thinking about chair covers or iPod playlists, and it is really freeing.
What is also confusing is that I’ve sort of turned on myself. Now when I see posts that talk about “authenticity” in wedding planning or “community” or how to focus on the relationship, it makes me roll my eyes. But I’ve done it, too—I talk about how important those things are, and how those really do shape a marriage. And they are vitally important. So why am I bitching about them? Why am I saying they’re overrated? I think it clicks back to where I am in wedding planning. It’s a stage. I’ve tangled with the WIC, I’ve fallen in and out of love with the BIC, I’ve booked vendors and figured my shit out, I’ve had lots of Important Conversations with my fiancé. So where am I now? I’m just kind of cynical. I just feel like I’ve heard it ALL (even if I haven’t). The wedding is looming, but it’s mostly planned. It’s still four months away but is so close to being DONE. And that’s just it. I’m done with it. I want to be married, want the day to be TOMORROW, want this crap over with.
……So now I’m taking a break from planning our wedding, and I’m planning (or rather, dreaming about) our honeymoon. Beach, bountiful sunshine, and beverages with the boy. Heaven.
Disclaimer: This rambling commentary highly influenced by a post I read AGES ago at Accordians & Lace, and has had me thinking about the BIC ever since.